I  was recently reading a book titled Would You Marry You by Ph.D James C. Wadley. James describes it as a clever, peculiar, and introspective book about a lifetime commitment to oneself. The title of the book is what got me really intrigued. I began asking myself that question before even rummaging through the pages of the book. James asks over two hundred questions about the relationship that you have with yourself.

I did a self-examination of traits I totally find attractive in me and those that I cannot stand. The self-analysis was very eye opening. Yes life is a journey of self-discovery but sometimes we are often too quick to complain about the flaws in others yet we cannot see the log in our eye. For example I am a woman who has set standards for the kind of man I want to settle down with, you will often hear me saying all good men are taken or married and that’s why settling down is a pipe dream for me but might I be wrong? Am I marriageable? How do I make sure I can really marry me?

Acknowledge the flaws exist

Stop the hide and seek games you have with your flaws because no human being is without Flaws are cracks in our character and they become limitations into who we should really become. Acknowledging their existent is the first step to dealing with individual weakness.

Forget the checklist

It’s a fact that most of us have a checklist describing our ideal mate. We become so fixated on the unrealistic traits that we begin making a fictional person. The list keeps getting longer and if you find somebody with 15 out of the 18 traits you were looking for you are ready to drop them. Remember the more deal breakers you have in any relationship the more deals get broken.

How do you treat yourself?

Maya Angelou once said, “Believe people the first time they show you who they are”. This is a piece of wisdom we cannot afford to ignore. People pick up on your attitude, energy and what you are telling them about yourself. If you are mean to yourself you will most likely attract a person who is mean to you. Embrace the cliché, you need to love yourself first before others can.

You teach people how to treat you with how you treat you .

What do you bring to the table?

Women especially equate superficial qualities to the reasons why men should be jumping left and right with proposals to marry them yet we forget this are not necessarily the traits a spouse is looking for. Forget your long list of achievements such as degrees, salaries, family look at things that cannot be bought, earned and ask yourself that question.

Are you really ready for you?

Just because you want it doesn’t mean you are ready. We are a constant work in progress and there are no sure telltale signs that you are ready, but working on your relationship with yourself can be the first step. When you find that you truly complete yourself, then you can truly marry you for life.


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