I was having a discussion with my friend James about why a particular mutual friend of ours has never quite convinced any woman to date him three years since his last girlfriend. Yes, we were gossiping (didn’t research show that gossip is an important social skill?). This particular gentleman is very popular with women and you would think that to him, getting a mate would be as easy as ABC. Well, it is not. And before you jump the gun, he is not single by choice – he has been chasing several women but his efforts have been futile. According to James, our mutual friend maybe searching for a girlfriend a long time because he is a serial ‘YES’ man.
What’s a yes man you ask? He is a doormat, puppet, fawner, bootlicker, suck-up, whimp, sissy – whatever befitting noun you can think of. He is definitely that.
James says our friend is a yes man because he has no backbone at all. He takes anything a woman he is wooing throws his way with a simple smiling YES. He becomes her errand boy when she needs him; a chauffeur, a masseuse, or a friend to talk to when things go haywire with a man she had had a one-night stand with. In this scenario our friend is not gifted with a car, but he boards a matatu with a woman he is wooing to take her home, despite the fact that he lives on the other side of town.
“Why can’t he say no to such a woman?” I ask. Well, according to James, if he declines to do any favours for this woman or says a firm NO, then he loses the power he thinks he holds over their relationship. I know by now you are thinking, what power? The power to move from the friend’s zone to the dating zone. To be honest, no woman wants to date a boneless man – it is the least attractive trait any man would ever possess. The yes man will always say yes to anything; he will never stand up to his woman even when he knows he is right; and he will say yes to her every demand just to avoid conflicts. At a lunch out, he will not have an opinion on what to eat. He will often go with the choice of his date. That must be one boring relationship.
After numerous frustrations of trying to score a date in vain, the yes man will conclude that women are undeserving of him. He may give up on dating all together, or as my friend says continue pursuing women who only see him as an asset in the friend’s zone. Men who agree to anything are of the opinion they are being nice – the ‘nice’ guys finish last. Forget the fact that you are tall, dark and handsome with a great career to boost your chances, women are innately drawn to confidence. A woman will assume that because you are a yes man, it automatically extends to all other aspects of your life. This man is manipulated at work because he can’t say no to his boss, friends, siblings, mother and so on. He is taken advantage of and carries other people’s baggage.
Having an opinion about things is an attractive quality in any man.
A woman doesn’t want to feel like she is taking care of the both of you yet you proudly boast of wearing the gloves in the relationship while she makes all the decisions. She doesn’t want to be a nag because of your lack of opinion about anything. And most importantly she doesn’t want to feel like she is dating herself, and she is better off single. So dear yes men looking to get out of the friend’s zone, my advise to you is try saying NO. I kid you not, it works wonders.
